Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love 2, while Rock Daily searches for ways to reference “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” in our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here’s our take on episode nine:

Sixty Minutes of Rockin’ Reality in One Sentence: Bret Michaels brings in the girls’ ex-boyfriends (and, for Ambre, her dorkish best friend), and while he unsuccessfully pumps them for information at a cigar bar, season one’s Heather is back at the house getting the ladies so wasted they all either puke, cry or take their clothes off.

Did Every Rose Have Its Thorn?: It did not. But Bret discovered the thorny side of all his hopefuls — Destiney is a groupie; Megan has already been on a reality show (Beauty and the Geek), Jessica can’t hold her alcohol; Ambre’s abs are scary; Daisy still lives with her ex-boyfriend, the lead singer of something goth and eyeliner covered called Seraphim Shock.

The Most Ridiculous Part: Daisy enters a sobbing fit so severe we thought her lips might melt off when she admits to Heather that she still shares a one-bedroom with her former boyfriend, Charles. Heather finally escapes by saying, “I’ve gotta pee, and I’ve gotta talk to the rest of the girls.” Meanwhile Bret is playing arcade games at Dave & Busters (which “rocks!”).

The Rockin’ Finish: Heather reminds us what this show has been missing all season — drunk reality-show antics. We love you, Heather! Fortunately, she’ll be back next week when Bret moves the girls to Vegas for one last hurrah — everyone but Megan, that is. Michaels sends her home for seeming disingenuous, and she awkwardly stands there looking distraught until he escorts her out.

The best hope for “I Know My Kid’s a Star” is that some viewers will think it’s so bad, it’s interesting.

But this competition among wanna-be child stars and their wanna-be stage parents isn’t bad in the kind of way where everyone can sit down afterward, put a few straws in a milkshake and have a good laugh.

It’s bad in a much creepier way.

At its worst, and “worst” is not just one fleeting moment, it’s cynical. It lures you in with the reassuring promise that it’s going to steer the contestants away from the snake pit of child stardom and then can’t wait to showcase painful scenes of overbearing parents and uncomfortable children.

Hello, Mr. Ratings.

You’d think that if anyone might not want to be part of an exercise like this, it would be Danny Bonaduce, who casually remarks that over one decade he worked for exactly 11 days because he was so screwed up.

But here’s Bonaduce, hosting the show and proving again that, in his own way, he’s a visionary: He understands that a reputation as a professional screwup can be a marketable commodity as long as you maintain a likable veneer of cheerful self-deprecation.

It made him a natural for this gig, giving him the street cred to issue stern warnings to contestants like, say, Raquel.

Raquel, call her “Rocky,” makes Omarosa look like Laura Bush. In her cowboy hat and two-piece miniskirt outfit, she swaggers through the show, making it clear she’s the star filly in the barn.

Equally clear, her daughter Hayley is a vehicle for Rocky’s star fantasies, so it’s no surprise Hayley is a walking study in neurosis.

During one song session, with Rocky hovering a foot away, Hayley freezes. The producers ask Rocky to leave, after which Hayley does fine.

Viewers are cringing. Producers apparently are thinking, “Good television!”

You get the feeling Hayley could spit a mouthful of pea soup at the judges and they wouldn’t kick her off because they don’t want to lose Rocky’s act. Okay, that sounds cynical. Maybe it’s not true.

What is true is that when the contestants and parents line up, none of the kids seems to look very happy. The other parents may be less dangerous than Rocky, but they’re still the ones who beam and cheer while the kids dutifully do what they’re told. Most of the time.

For a show about cute kids who can sing or dance, “I Know My Kid’s a Star” has surprisingly little joy or fun. Mostly it’s sad, which is not the same as “bad.”

Because it’s an eight-episode series, it’s possible these dark early episodes are setting us up for a sunburst of enlightenment. By then, most viewers will likely have moved on, with the parting hope that these kids grow up to be something other than professional screwups.

It comes down to Megan and Kristy Joe. Bret calls Kristy Joe down and asks her if she wants to stay. She says she needs to go home to take care of her business, and as such, the amount of crying on this show is going to go down 350 percent. Bret walks her out, then returns, throwing her pass on the floor. He gives a short speech about Megan staying, though she doesn’t get a VIP pass, then he leaves because he’s so emotionally wrecked.

It appears that New York is going to be doing a new show called :New York Goes To Hollywood. And here’s how VH-1 describes the new series:

New York is ready to tackle her other life dream: superstardom. Don’t get it wrong - New York is already a star but she wants to be on the A-list – as a legit actress.

In order to focus on her new mission, She’s moving out west to see if she can climb the Hollywood ladder. Question is, will she reach for the stars or fall flat on her face?

After his Shot at Love With Tila Tequila ended, Italian-born bachelor Domenico Nesci was heartbroken. But Domenico wasn’t ready to throw in the towel when it came to finding true love. Nope, he picked himself up, dusted off his “100% Italian Ass” speedos and decided it was time to find his perfect match. Now, this man from Milan is looking for his very own American sweetheart and Domenico is setting his own ground rules as he searches for love on That’s Amore! Italy has always provided America with top-notch food, fashion and fast cars.

Domenico sees himself as the latest and greatest import to take over the States. Realizing he’s on fertile ground, Domenico’s searching for a super-sweet girl who can cook — a must for any Italian man! — and who’s sick and tired of muscle-bound meatheads. This loveably goofy guy is looking for true romance and hopes to whisper sweet nothings into the right girl’s ear. But will he really be able to find amore on American soil? From Southern belles to big city socialites to West Coast surfers, 15 girls will get their shot at love with Domenico, embarking on a romantic adventure of a lifetime that could take them all the way to Italy! Yup, Domenico is searching for a nice American girl he can bring home to Milan to meet his mamma! But sifting through the bevy of love-crazed beauties isn’t going to be easy, so Domenico will be looking for advice from another A Shot at Love alum … Ashley.

The resident redneck, who flew into a rage when Tila Tequila sent him packing, will literally sort through all the boobs and butts at Domenico’s disposal and hopefully find the perfect companion for his best bud on That’s Amore! Each week, the girls hoping to hookup with Italian stallion Domenico will face-off and fight for their man. There’s gonna be pillow fights, cat fights and a big, big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs that’s just the right size for a down and dirty wrestling match. Ciao bella! He may be new to our country, but as Domenico eliminates the girls one by one, he’ll discover that true love needs no translation. Now That’s Amore!