Paul Blart: [talking to himself] What are you trained to do? Nothing…

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[from trailer]
Paul Blart: Nobody knows this mall better than I do.

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[from trailer]
Paul Blart: Safety never takes a holiday.

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Paul Blart: [after showing a Loch Ness Monster tattoo on his lower back that he got while drunk] Yeah… I don’t drink.

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Veck Sims: When are you gonna give up, Blart?
Paul Blart: How about now? I’ll meet you on the corner of “NE” and “VER”!

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Veck Sims: It’s like my mother always said, if you want something done right, waste them yourself. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea.

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Paul Blart: This lemonade is insane!
Vijay: That’s because it’s a Margarita, Paul.

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Pahud: Peanut Blart and jelly! What, what, what’s up, man?

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Paul Blart: [Headbutts criminal] No one wins with a headbutt.

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Paul Blart: Scuba-dooby-doo!
[sends a scuba tank into a villain knocking him out]

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Maya Blart: [reading ad] Okay, next question. “Tell me about yourself.”
Paul Blart: Let’s see. I know a lot about sharks.
Mom: Let me stop you right there.