Ironhide: Why are we fighting to save the humans? They’re a primitive and violent race.
Optimus Prime: Were we so different? They’re a young species. They have much to learn. But I’ve seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You all know there’s only one way to end this war: we must destroy the Cube. If all else fails, I will unite it with the spark in my chest.
Ratchet: That’s suicide! The Cube is raw power, it could destroy you both!
Optimus Prime: A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes. It’s been an honor serving with you all. Autobots, roll out!
Captain Lennox: Epps, the rain’s coming!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: Right! BRING IT!
Optimus Prime: My weapons specialist: Ironhide.
Ironhide: [drawing his guns] You feelin’ lucky, punk?
Optimus Prime: Easy, Ironhide…
Ironhide: [retracts his guns] Just kidding. I just wanted to show him my cannons.
Jazz: Is that all you got, Megatron?
Megatron: Come here, you little cretin!
[Megatron grabs Jazz, but Jazz opens fire with his blaster]
Jazz: You want a piece of me? You want a piece?
Megatron: No, I want TWO!
[rips Jazz in half]
Sam Witwicky: No, no, no, no, no, no… Hey! That’s my car!
[Sam grabs a cellphone and cycle and chases after his car]
Sam Witwicky: Hello? 911 emergency. My car’s been stolen! I’m in pursuit! I need the whole squadron, bring everyone! No, no don’t ask any questions, my father’s the head of the neighbourhood watch!
Sam Witwicky: Look, I can’t be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.
Sheriff: It just stood up? Wow. That’s really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up…
[hands Sam a container and a tissue]
Sheriff: And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?
Sam Witwicky: No, I’m not on any drugs!
Sheriff: What’s these?
[shows Sam a bottle of pills]
Sheriff: Found it in your pocket. “Mojo”. Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo…?
Sam Witwicky: Those are my dog’s pain pills.
Ron Witwicky: You know, a Chihauhua. A little…
Sheriff: [annoyed] What was that?
Sam Witwicky: Hmm?
Sheriff: You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?
[leans over Sam]
Sheriff: Make something happen. Do it. ‘Cause I promise you I will bust you up.
Sam Witwicky: [whispers] Are you on drugs?
[Bumblebee, with Sam and Mikaela inside, is being chased by Barricade]
Mikaela: Oh my God, we’re gonna die! We’re gonna die!
Sam Witwicky: No we’re not! Trust me, he’s a kickass driver!
[Bumblebee is heads towards a wall]
Sam Witwicky: [high-pitched scream] Oh my God, no! We’re gonna die!
Optimus Prime: It’s you and me, Megatron…
Megatron: No, it’s just ME, Prime!
Optimus Prime: At the end of this day, one shall stand, one shall fall!
Megatron: You still fight for the weak! That is why you lose!
Agent Simmons: Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.
Sam Witwicky: Well, here’s what I said, okay? ‘Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen…
Agent Simmons: Really?
Sam Witwicky: …from me, from my home, but it’s fine now because it’s back! It came back!
Mikaela: Well, not by itself.
Sam Witwicky: Well, no.
Mikaela: Because cars don’t do that because that would be crazy.
[everyone laughs]
Captain Witwicky: We’ll get to the Arctic first, lads! No sacrifice, no victory!
Agent Simmons: What you’re about to see is totally classified…
[Project Iceman is reveled: a towering mechanical clossus, imprisoned in a cryogenic chamber]
Keller: Dear God… what is this?
Tom Banachek: We think that when he made his approach over the North Pole our gravitation field screwed up his telemetry and crashed into the ice, probably a few thousand years ago. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934.
Agent Simmons: We call him NBE-1.
Sam Witwicky: I don’t mean to correct you on all that you think you know, but that’s Megatron. He’s the leader of the Decepticons.
Tom Banachek: He’s been in cryo-stasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.
Agent Simmons: Fact is, you’re looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, cars, space flight: all reverse-engineered by studying him. NBE-1…
[sneers at Sam]
Agent Simmons: That’s what we call IT!
Keller: And you didn’t think that the United States Military might need to know that you’re keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?
Tom Banachek: Until these events we had no credible threats to national security.
Keller: Well, you got one now!
Bobby Bolivia: [after he eyes Bumble Bee in car mode] I’ll let you have it for $5,000.
Ron Witwicky: No! I’m not going above $4,000.
Bobby Bolivia: The door just closed.
[to Sam]
Bobby Bolivia: Get out of the car.
Sam Witwicky: Wait a minute? I thought you said “the car chooses its owner.”
Bobby Bolivia: Yeah well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap ass father. Now this car over here…
Bobby Bolivia: [after Bumblebee makes a shrill noise which shatters all of the car windows on Bobby’s car lot] $4,000!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: [radioing to a lone F-22 fliying overhead] Raptor, Raptor do you copy? We have your visual. Green smoke is the mark. Provide air cover and vector Black Hawks for extraction.
[guided by the smoke, the F-22 heads for the group, but there’s no answer… ]
Ironhide: [transforms] It’s Starscream!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: Please tell me you copy…
Ironhide: Back up! Take cover! Bumblebee…!
[With Bumblebee’s help, Ironhide grabs a van and lift it up as a shield as the Raptor comes closer]
Captain Lennox: No, no, no, no… MOVE!
Ironhide: Back up! Back up!
Captain Lennox: RETREAT! FALL BACK!
Ironhide: INCOMING!
[the Raptor strafes the ground, blowing up the truck and blasting everyone to the ground]
Captain Lennox: What the hell was that?
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: What are you talking about?
Captain Lennox: What do you mean, what am I talking about? They shot at us!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: F-22 pilots would never fly below buildings! That’s alien… that ain’t friendly!
Captain Lennox: So why Earth?
Sam Witwicky: It’s the All Spark.
Keller: All Spark? What is that?
Sam Witwicky: Well, they came here looking for some sort of cube-looking thing. Anyway, Mr. NBE-1 here, aka MEGATRON…
[glares at Simmons]
Sam Witwicky: That’s what they call HIM… who’s pretty much the harbinger of death, wants to use the cube to transform human technology to take over the universe. That’s their plan.
Captain Lennox: Sam! Where’s the Cube?
Sam Witwicky: Right there!
Captain Lennox: Epps, get those Blackhawks here!
[sees a building]
Captain Lennox: That building… okay!
Sam Witwicky: What?
Captain Lennox: All right, I can’t leave my guys back there, so here, take this flare…
[hands him the flare and the All Spark]
Captain Lennox: Okay, there’s a tall white building with statues on top. Go to the roof, set the flare…
Sam Witwicky: No…
Captain Lennox: Signal the chopper, and…
Sam Witwicky: I can’t do this!
Captain Lennox: [grabs him] Listen to me, you’re a soldier now! All right, I need you to take this Cube, get it into military hands while we hold them off, or a lot of people are gonna die.
[to Mikaela]
Captain Lennox: You gotta go, you gotta go…!
Mikaela: No, I’m not leaving.
Captain Lennox: You need to go!
Mikaela: No, I’m not leaving until I get Bumblee out of here! Okay?
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: [into radio] Army Blackhawk, requesting immediate evac for civilian boy with precious cargo, headed to rooftop marked by flare.
Ironhide: Sam, we will protect you.
Sam Witwicky: [breathing heavily] Okay…
Sarah Lennox: [about their baby daughter] She has your laugh.
Captain Lennox: She laughed?
Sarah Lennox: Her first one.
Captain Lennox: Ah… are you sure she didn’t just fart?
Sarah Lennox: [laughs] No, she’s a lady.
Trent: You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?
Sam Witwicky: Oh, no, no, that… No. That, that wasn’t like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.
Trent: Oh, yeah?
Sam Witwicky: Yeah!
Trent: [grinning] Yeah? What’s it about? Sucking at sports?
Sam Witwicky: [laughs a little] No, it’s about the link between brain damage and football.
[Trent looks really angry, while Mikaela hides a smile]
Sam Witwicky: [nods head] No, it… it’s a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it’s got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It’s… a lot of fun.
[Bumblebee drives Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel]
Mikaela: [in the back seat] This car’s a pretty good driver.
Sam Witwicky: [in the passenger seat] Yeah.
[looks at the empty driver’s seat]
Sam Witwicky: Why don’t you go sit on that seat there?
Mikaela: I’m not gonna sit on that seat. He’s driving.
Sam Witwicky: Yeah. You’re right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.
Mikaela: Why?
Sam Witwicky: Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first.
Mikaela: Yeah. Right.
[Mikaela moves from the back seat to Sam’s lap]
Sam Witwicky: See? That’s better.
Mikaela: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.
Sam Witwicky: Thank you.
Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation.
Sam Witwicky: A what?
Ironhide: [aiming cannons at Mojo] Shall I terminate?
Sam Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.
Ironhide: He’s leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!
Sam Witwicky: He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!
Ironhide: Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot’s gonna rust…
Bobby Bolivia: Hey Manny!
Manny: What?
Bobby Bolivia: Get your cousin outta that clown costume. Havin’ that heat stroke again. Scarin’ white folks.
Clown: I’m hot! Makeup’s melting, hurts my eyes!
Optimus Prime: Sam, I owe you my life. We are in your debt.
Trent: Why doesn’t my little bunny hop in the back seat?
Agent Simmons: Ronald Wikity?
Ron Witwicky: It’s Witwicky. Who are you?
Agent Simmons: We’re the government. Sector Seven.
Ron Witwicky: Never heard of it.
Agent Simmons: Never will.
Mikaela: Why are you here?
Optimus Prime: We are here looking for the All Spark. And we must find it before Megatron.
Sam Witwicky: Mega-what?
[Prime projects a holographic view of Cybertron]
Optimus Prime: Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him…
Sam Witwicky: My grandfather.
Optimus Prime: It was an accident that intertwined our fates.
[Captain Witwicky discovers Megatron in the ice]
Optimus Prime: Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube.
[the Captain fiddles with Megatron’s gears, causing a bright light to strike him… ]
Optimus Prime: He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube’s location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses.
Sam Witwicky: How did you know about his glasses?
Optimus Prime: eBay.
Sam Witwicky: eBay…
Ratchet: If the Decepticons find the All Spark, they will use its power to transform Earth’s machines and build a new army.
Optimus Prime: And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth’s survival.
Mikaela: Please tell me that you have those glasses?
Agent Simmons: Mean little sucker, huh?
Maggie Madsen: That thing is freaky!
Agent Simmons: Kinda like the itty-bitty Energizer Bunny from hell, huh?
Bumblebee: [through his radio] “Message from Starfleet, Captain… Let’s get to it!”
Captain Lennox: He’s right. If we stay here, we’re screwed with Megatron in the other hanger. Mission City is 22 miles away. We’re going to sneak that Cube out of here and hide it somewhere in the city.
Keller: Good, right!
Captain Lennox: But we cannot make a stand without the Air Force.
Keller: This place must have some sort of radio link.
Agent Simmons: Yes!
Keller: Short wave, CV…
Agent Simmons: Right, yes!
Captain Lennox: [to Keller] Sir, you’re going to have to find some way to get word out to them… Let’s move!
Sam Witwicky: [begging his teacher to give him an “A”] Look, can you do me a favor-can you look out the window for a second? See my father? He’s the guy in the green car? Let me tell you about a dream, a boy’s dream, and a man’s promise to that boy. He looked him in the eye and said “Son, I’ gonna buy you a car, but I want you to bring me two-thousand dollars and three A’s.” OK, I got the two thousand and two A’s. OK, here’s the dream. Your B minus? Pfff! Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself… What would Jesus do?
Captain Lennox: [fighting Devastator] Yeah, this isn’t going well!
Mikaela: I can’t believe that I’m here right now.
Sam Witwicky: You can duck down if you want, it won’t hurt my feelings.
Trent: So, what are you guys doing here?
Sam Witwicky: [looking at the tree Miles is climbing] We’re here to climb this tree.
[Ratchet runs into power lines, shocking him and causing a tremor throughout the neighborhood]
Ron Witwicky: [crawling under a table] Earthquake! Earthquake! Judy, get under the table!
Judy Witwicky: How did you get over there so fast?
[Outside, a dazed Ratchet staggers to his feet]
Ratchet: Wow… that was tingly! You gotta try that!
Ironhide: [sarcastic] Yeah, that looks fun…
Sam Witwicky: [as a technician hoses down Bumblebee] Stop! You gotta stop! Stop! Stop! Let him go! Let him go!
[technicians stop, Bumblebee looks to Sam]
Sam Witwicky: Ya okay? They didn’t hurt you, right?
[Bumblebee, wild with pain, draws his blaster, aiming at everyone]
Sam Witwicky: [calming both Bumblebee and the humans] Listen to me, the Cube is here, and the Decepticons are coming… No, no, don’t worry about them, they’re ok, right, they’re not gonna hurt you… Just back up a little bit, he’s friendly, he’s fine… Ok, come on, put the guns down, they’re not gonna hurt you. Come with me, we’re gonna take you to the Allspark.
Sam Witwicky: [to a crippled Bumblebee] I’m not going to leave you!
Sam Witwicky: Where’s my car?
Tom Banachek: Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here. We need to know everything you know, and we need to know it right now.
Sam Witwicky: Okay… But first I’ll take my car, my parents - maybe you should write that down. Oh, and her juvie record. That’s gotta be gone. Like, forever.
Tom Banachek: [exhales] Come with me. We’ll talk about your car.
Mikaela: [to Sam] Thank you.
Sam Witwicky: Sure.