After a surprising first elimination round that saw the departure of a couple of early favorites (flaxen-tressed songbird Janell Wheeler and terrycloth-swathed retro-rocker Tyler Grady), “American Idol” fans were once again reminded last week that on this topsy-turvy show, no contestant is ever safe, and absolutely anything can happen. Sure, last week’s eliminations weren’t exactly Chris Daughtry/Michael Johns-level shockers, but they still threw viewers for a loop, and many grumpy pundits (myself included) griped that America had gotten it wrong.

So, did America get it right this week? For the most part, yes. But the night still ended in tears.

Thursday’s hour-long results show kicked off, ironically, with a group sing-along of the Black Eyed Peas’ “I’ve Got a Feeling.” I say “ironically” because the chorus, “I’ve got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good, good night,” would soon prove completely untrue for four of these contestants, who’d ultimately be sent home on what would surely be one of the worst nights of their young lives. It was also ironic because after watching an amateurish, school-pageanty number like this, I not only had a feeling tonight was gonna be a bad night, but this season would be a bad season as well. (Why were the top 20 lip-synching again? “Idol” is a singing competition, right? It ain’t “Puttin’ On The Hits“!)

So anyway, after that debacle, Ryan Seacrest wasted no time in getting straight to the dream-crushing. So, which four contestants didn’t have a good, good night? They were…

John Park - This early favorite ruined his chances–not just on the show but probably with his crush, guest judge Shania Twain–by singing forgettable renditions of “God Bless the Child” and “Gravity,” both performances so phoned-in he ought to have landed an endorsement deal with Verizon or Boost Mobile by now. It’s a shame, since I liked the guy. But on the plus side, at least John’s old group Purple Haze “got their singer back” (as Simon Cowell so snidely predicted), and I got this ONE prediction right. But like Shania, I will miss John’s “beautiful bottom end,” and like Shania, I will keep him in my heart.

Jermaine Sellers - Just as Tyler Grady was only beginning to reach his full trainwreck-TV potential last week (wearing bathrobes to rehearsal, sassing back to the judges, etc.), Jermaine was just getting into his groove this week. And now, like Tyler, he is gone too soon. Sure, occasionally Jermaine’s cat-in-season screeching sounded like it belonged more on Animal Planet than Fox. But he wore onesies backstage (that’s even cooler than bathrobes–sorry, Tyler); he rocked bowties even more fabulously than that guy from Rachel Zoe’s reality show; and he had a date set to take that heathen Simon Cowell to church. Sigh. I’ll miss Jermaine–so much so that the next time I go to church, I’ll pray that television execs recruit him for a future season of “The Surreal Life” or “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!” This guy needs to be on TV. In a onesie, preferably.

Michelle Delamor - Michelle was not my favorite this season–not by a longshot. But on Wednesday she did a decent job transforming Creed’s “With Arms Wide Open” from a bowel-churning bloat-rock mess into a somewhat tolerable R&B/gospel ballad, and I think she deserved a little credit for that. After all, Michelle did EXACTLY what the judges have been incessantly demanding of this season’s contestants: She switched things up and got out of her comfort zone. But I guess voters just found her uncomfortable to listen to. Well, that’s what she gets for covering Creed, I suppose. Fingers crossed there’s no Creed Night this season, or everyone on this show will be screwed.

Haeley Vaughn - A teen dubbed “annoying” by Simon, by me, and, apparently, by the majority of America, Haeley still has a bright future ahead of her. Making headbands and other flowery hair accessories. Not in singing. On Wednesday Kara DioGuardi told Haeley she needed another year to work on her voice, but it’ll take more than 365 days for Haeley’s voice to get up to “Idol” standards, judging from her eardrum-liquefyingly awful final performance of Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb” Thursday night. Seriously, it was so bad that it made Miley’s limited vocal range sound like that of Maria Callas. I felt bad for Haeley–she seems like a sweet kid, and everyone broke into tears the instant her elimination was announced–but really, America made the right decision here. She ain’t ready, and she may never be.

But hey, at least last season’s Danny Gokey showed up to perform live and give this week’s crestfallen castoffs some hope. Danny traveled a rough road last year (he was famously widowed right before his audition, then he didn’t make it all the way to the finale as everyone had predicted). But his optimistically titled debut album, My Best Days Are Ahead of Me, just came out and debuted in the iTunes top 10. And with a Sugarland tour ahead of him, he’s sure to sell even more records throughout America’s heartland, despite his many personal and professional setbacks. Therefore Danny was in understandably in good spirits Thursday, rattling off one of his mile-a-minute motivational-speaker sermons while Ryan tried to get a word in edgewise and the “Idol” band members practically reached for their violins.

Let this week’s rejects look to Danny Gokey as proof that all is not lost when one loses on “Idol.” Or something like that.

So it’s really down to the wire now. Next week, four more singers will get the axe, and then we will finally have our Season 9 top 12–the ones who get to go on the Idols Live Tour, record tracks for the Season 9 compilation album, and star in those Ford promos week after week. (All the group-number lip-synching they’ve been doing lately ought to help them with that last task.) Who will end up in the final lucky dozen? Tune in next week and see for yourself.

Parker out.

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American Idol judge Ellen DeGeneres has allegedly threatened to quit the show if shock jock Howard Stern replaces Simon Cowell. Insiders claim DeGeneres has told producers she will leave “immediately.”

“Ellen has made it crystal clear that if Howard is hired, she’d immediately leave the show,” a source says. “She’s told just about anyone who will listen she’s opposed to the idea.”


DeGeneres has not commented. Producers are looking for a replacement for Cowell, who is leaving the show after the current season. Other rumored favorites to replace Cowell include Tommy Mottola, Guy Oseary and Jamie Foxx.

“American Idol” launched its latest run with 10 percent fewer viewers than watched last year’s season opener, ratings showed on Wednesday, despite hoopla surrounding a new judge for the hit talent contest.

Still, the 30.1 million viewers tuning in to Tuesday night’s debut of the show’s eighth installment on the Fox network, a unit of News Corp, marked the biggest audience for any U.S. television broadcast so far this season.

The previous benchmark was held by the CBS detective drama, “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,” which drew 23.5 million viewers with its season premiere on October 9, according to Nielsen Media Research.

The opening-night tally for “American Idol,” down 10 percent from last year’s season premiere, marks the lowest audience total for a season-debut episode since 2004, when 28.2 million tuned in, Nielsen reported.

Ratings also were down 14 percent from last year’s opening broadcast among viewers aged 18 to 49, the group most prized by advertisers.

The show’s biggest season premiere was in 2007, watched by 37.3 million viewers.

“Idol” easily remains the most watched program on U.S. television, and Fox spokesman Scott Grogin said it was not surprising for even the most wildly popular of shows to see a ratings decline after eight seasons.

He added that the increasing tendency of viewers to record the program and watch it later has taken a toll on the show’s first-day ratings, as it has on other programs.

The cavalcade of pop-star wannabes auditioning in the two-hour “American Idol” premiere included a swimsuit-clad contestant who earned the nickname Bikini Girl, and an almost completely blind man who sang a Billy Joel song.

The show’s premiere also featured for the first time a panel of four judges, with the addition of newcomer Kara DioGuardi appraising the talent of try-out contestants in Phoenix, Arizona.

DioGuardi, a songwriter and producer, joins veteran panelists Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson.

“American Idol” drew an average 28.1 million viewers each week last season. The show is a spin-off of a British hit that was brought to the United States in 2002.

The reality show has launched the careers of such recording stars as Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Jennifer Hudson, who went on to win an Oscar for her performance as a Motown singer in the 2006 musical “Dreamgirls.” Last year’s winner was rocker David Cook.