The sex tape Britney Spears’ ex-boyfriend was said to be shopping around just doesn’t exist.

At least that’s the latest word from the man himself, Adnan Ghalib. The former paparazzo, who was once an ever-present fixture in the pop star’s life, is now speaking out.

Earlier this week, Heat magazine published a story detailing Adnan’s alleged attempt to sell a two-hour tape, which supposedly featured the “Toxic” singer wearing nothing but her once-signature pink wig. In an interview with Star, Adnan insists the report was completely fabricated.

• Your mother’s so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass.
• Your mom’s so fat, her yearbook picture was an aerial photo.
• Your mom’s so fat, I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
• Your mom’s so fat, I had to slap her thigh and ride the wave in.
• They say that beauty is only a light switch away, with your mom I had to
• use a black light.
• Your mom’s so stupid it takes her a half hour to make minute rice.
• Your mom’s so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
• Your mom’s got snakeskin teeth.
• Your mom’s so stupid I saw her in the frozen food section w/a fishing rod.
• Your mom’s so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing Her peanuts.
• Your mom’s got hair on her tongue and she gargles w/curl activator.
• Your mom’s got a wooden leg w/a real foot.
• Your mom’s got a leather wig w/suede sideburns.
• Your momma’s so fat, she jumped up in the air — AND GOT STUCK!
• Your mother’s like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
• Your mother’s like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
• Your mother’s like mustard, she spreads easy.
• Your Mama’s got three teeth…one in her mouth & two in her pocket.
• Your Mama’s breath’s so strong, she be blowin’ bubbles with Now & Laters.
• Your Mama’s so old, her birthday’s expired.
• Your Mother is so stupid, she needs a ruler beside her bed to see how long
• she can sleep.
• Your Mother is so dumb, she got hit by a cup and said she got mugged.
• Your Mother is so old, I told her to start acting her age and the bitch
• died.
• Your mama’s so old she owes Jesus Christ a quarter
• Your mama’s so poor she went to McDonald’s to put a shake on layaway
• Your mama’s so dumb she sold the car for gas money
• Your mama’s so dumb she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
• Your Mama’s So fat, when her beepgr goes off, people thought she was
• backing up
• Your Mama’s So stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
• Your Mama’s So fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”
• Your Mama’s So stupid, when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign,
• she went home and got 16 friends
• Your Mama’s So fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
• Your Mama’s So fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway
• Your Mama’s So fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
• Your Mama’s So fat, she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
• Your Mama’s So fat, when she steps on a scale, it read “…to be continued”
• Your Mama’s So nasty, when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist
• to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt.
• Your Mama’s So fat, when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
• Your Mama’s So ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no
• professionals.”
• Your Mama’s So ugly, she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
• Your Mama’s So ugly, just after she was born, her mother said “What a
• treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
• Your Mama’s So old, I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
• Your Mama’s So ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
• Your Mama’s So ugly, they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
• Your Mama’s So ugly, they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for
• Star Wars.
• Your Mama’s So poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked
• her what she was doing, she said “Moving.”
• Your Mama’s So fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
• Your Mama’s So ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle,
• they put it around her neck
• Your Mama’s So ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
• Your Mama’s So ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the
• surveillence cameras
• Your Mama’s So fat, the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”
• Your Mama’s So stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran
• outside with a spoon
• Your Mama’s So fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE
• HOUSE!
• Your Mama’s So fat, when she steps on a scale, it read “one at a time,
• please”
• Your Mama’s So stupid, she told everyone that she was “illegitiment”
• because she couldn’t read.
• Your Mama’s So ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
• Your Mama’s So ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the
• dogs to play with her.
• Your Mama’s So ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people
• say “Damn, is it Halloween already?”
• Your Mama’s So ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
• Your Mom’s like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers
• Your Mom’s like a doorknob… everybody gets a turn
• Your Mom’s like an ice cream cone… everyone gets a lick
• Your Mom’s like a bowling ball you can fit three fingers in
• Your Mom’s like a bowling ball she always winds up in the gutter
• Your Mom’s like a bowling ball she always comes back for more
• Your Mom’s like McDonalds… Billions and Billions served
• Your Mom’s like Denny’s… open 24 hours
• Your Mom’s like a shotgun… give her a cock and she blows
• Your Mom’s like 7up…never had it never will.
• Your mama’s like a railroad track: She gets laid all over the country.
• Your mama’s like a T.V.: A two year old could turn her on.
• Your mama’s like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
• Your mama’s like Crazy Eddie, she’s practically giving it all away
• You’re mother’s so dumb…she got stabbed at a shoot-out.
• Your mama’s like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
• Your mom is like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her
• away.
• You mom is so fat, everytime she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
• Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot.
• Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the
• dog to play with you.
• Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people
• you are backing up.
• Your so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad.
• Your so fat, that you have to use a matress as a maxi-pad.
• Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away
• all the W’s.
• Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
• Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
• Your like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on.
• Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.
• You’re mother’s so dumb…
• ..she got stabbed at a shoot-out.
• ..heard it was chilly outside and grabbed a bowl.

The king of shock media and the fashion model have gotten hitched.

Howard Stern, 54, and Beth Ostrosky, 36, were wed Friday night at a private ceremony at the famed Le Cirque restaurant on East 58th Street.

According to reports, there were about 180 people in attendance, including real estate mogul Donald Trump, television journalist Barbara Walters, and late-night host, Jimmy Kimmel.

Mark Consuelos, an ordained minister and husband to daytime’s favorite hostess, Kelly Ripa, presided over the marriage. Actor Chevy Chase offered up a toast, and singer Billy Joel sang “The Stranger” for the newlyweds.

The plans for the wedding were kept tightly under wraps for months. Guests were given only scant information about the time and date of the affair.

Stern and Ostrosky have been together for about eight years, and announced their plans to marry in February 2007. This is Ostrosky’s first marrige, who becomes a step-mother to her new husband’s three daughters. It is the second for Stern, who divorced his first wife Alison in 2000.

he Obama campaign may be edging up in the polls, but it’s trying to leave nothing to chance. It’s developed a new iPhone application, freely available at the Apple App Store, that makes use of the iPhone’s social networking and viral communications attributes.”It brings together several social networking capabilities that are already out there. But this is the first time I’ve seen a political campaign make use of them,” said Chris Hazelton, the mobile and wireless director of research at the 451 Group.