Nineties heartthrob Sandra Bullock has narrowly escaped death after her car was hit by a drug-crazed female driver.

The drug in question is the one which is responsible for more deaths each year than cocaine, heroin and crack combined.

It is the one which is smelt on the breath of 40% of reported violent criminals, 78% of assaulters and 88% of criminal damagers.

Worst of all, it is the drug most responsible for the current record-breaking human-population on earth.

It’s alcohol - obviously.

Sandra Bullock and her husband, Jesse James (a celebrity in his own right but, as you’ll no doubt understand, not quite worthy of a mention in the headline), being driven by 55-year-old Mark Hussey (not a chance) were hit by a drunk driver in Gloucester, Mass., on Friday evening.

According to People, the driver of the offending vehicle has been identified by local cops as Lucille P. Gatchell, a 64 year old from Gloucester.

Police said Lucille’s gray Subaru station wagon jumped lanes on East Main Street and crashed into the front end of their private car but, staying true to the celebrity-car-crash form-guide, not a sausage was injured.

Luckily Hussey had been driving at just 20 mph at the time. And we all know what would have happened if they’d been traveling at double that speed!

(Now, at this point, we have the choice of two comedy avenues to skip down; the first being a reference to that girl in the ‘if you hit me at 40 mph I’ll get mangled by a tree, but if you hit me at 30mph I’ll just piss myself a little’ adverts. And second, of course, is the ‘it would trigger a bomb that Dennis Hopper will explode if you go under a certain speed’ avenue)

(Both have their merits, but have been done and redone over the last 24 hours by publications less reputable than this, and we can’t be seen – at least – to be delving to their level, so rather than wasting your time we’ll just leave you with the following dilemma, before hurriedly moving on: If you were driving the Speed bus and that girl from the advert walked in the road, would you leave her wetting herself, or holding up that tree? It may happen one day)

The real star of this whole shebang, however, is, without a shadow of a doubt, Gloucester Police Lt. Gerry Cook, who commented:

It’s unfortunate, but it shows you that no one is immune from drunk drivers, no matter how famous you are.

Now that man does deserve a mention in the headline! Finally someone is brave enough to stand up to the brainwashed masses who believe celebrities harbour special powers making it impossible for drunk drivers to collide with them.

You idiots! Wake up and smell the reality!

Lt. Cook continued:

They were shaken up, needless to say, But they were fine – he was hugging her. Jess and Sandra were hugging. They said they were fine, they didn’t need medical attention. There were quite a few people snapping pictures of them…”

Lucille P. Gatchell was given a field sobriety test by officers. She blew a .20 on the breathalyzer (two and a half times the legal limit). She was arrested and booked for driving under the influence of alcohol and failure to stay in marked lanes.

She was later released on her own recognizance (recognizance: n. an obligation of record that is entered into before a court or magistrate, containing a condition to perform a particular act, such as making a court appearance) and shall be arraigned (arraigned: tr.v. to call (an accused person) before a court to answer the charge made against him or her by indictment, information, or complaint) on the charges this (this: pron. used to refer to the person or thing present, nearby, or just mentioned) coming Tuesday.

Charlton Heston, who has died aged 84, was an actor of towering physique who was in constant demand to play epic heroes in Hollywood movies of the 1950s and 1960s; he was, later in life, almost as well-known for his staunchly Right-wing stance, especially in his role as president of America’s National Rifle Association.

Among his many epic roles, Heston played Moses in Cecil B DeMille’s 1956 remake of The Ten Commandments, the title roles in Ben-Hur (1959) and El Cid (1961), Michelangelo in The Agony and the Ecstasy (1965) and General Gordon in Khartoum (1966).

Though Bibical parts comprised only a small fraction of his work — apart from Moses, he was John the Baptist in The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965) — he came to be seen as Hollywood’s resident Man of God and late in life narrated a series for television introducing stories from the Bible. From this, perhaps, stemmed the mistaken impression that he had actually portrayed God on screen.

Second to historical figures, he had a penchant for science fiction and appeared regularly in this genre in films that have since attained a cult reputation. He was the astronaut in the original Planet of the Apes (1968) who discovers that the gorilla-dominated world in which he has landed is actually Earth aeons after a nuclear holocaust. In 2001 he took a cameo role as an ageing ape in Tim Burton’s remake.

Leatherheads.’ Screwball comedy about a reporter torn between two football players in 1925. With George Clooney, Renee Zellweger, John Krasinski. Director: George Clooney (1:44). PG-13: Language, violence. At area theaters.

In recent years, George Clooney has become the Ultimate Movie Star, a guy who can do virtually no wrong. Given the acclaim he has earned as a filmmaker alone - for “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” and “Good Night, and Good Luck” - it’s something of a surprise that he fumbles his latest attempt behind the camera.

Apparently, even icons have their limits. And with “Leatherheads,” Clooney may simply have stretched himself too thin, by serving as both director and his own leading man.

Here he plays aging jock Dodge Connolly, a 1920s football player watching his ragtag league buckle under flagging interest. Threatened further by rules designed to end the sport’s anarchic spirit, a desperate Dodge hires Carter (The Bullet) Rutherford (ever-likable John Krasinski). A war hero admired by men and adored by women, Carter perfectly represents the new face of professional football.

Meanwhile, ace reporter Lexie Littleton (Renee Zellweger) is shadowing Carter wherever he goes, determined to find some dirt on America’s squeaky-clean star. Before long, both guys are making eyes at our gal, and when Carter signs with a better team, they become rivals on and off the field.

It’s easy to see what Clooney’s going for, but hard to understand the choices he makes. Just when we think he has settled into a witty homage to the great comedies of Hollywood’s golden age, he indulges in self-conscious slapstick. He - and his screenwriters, former Sports Illustrated journalists Duncan Brantley and Rick Reilly - seem to have genuine affection for the good old days of unregulated chaos, but rarely create any rousing action.

As for romance, Zellweger bounces helplessly between two men who don’t suit her, while struggling mightily with a full lineup of rat-a-tat banter.

Frankly, she shouldn’t have to compete with the ghosts of Rosalind Russell and Carole Lombard, as Clooney forces her to do. It’s one thing to evoke the Champagne sophistication of the screwball era; it’s another to try to emulate it. Inevitably, the harder you work at capturing madcap fizz, the flatter things are going to feel.

Director Martin Scorsese won’t say the Rolling Stones are like the underworld characters in many of his movies, but he admits the band’s music evokes memories of the rough, mob-tinged street life he grew up around.

The Academy Award winner and the legendary band founded in London in 1962 have combined on “Shine A Light,” a concert documentary shot at New York’s intimate Beacon Theatre in October 2006.

Scorsese and band members Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ron Wood and Charlie Watts held a press conference on Sunday ahead of the film’s U.S. release on April 4.

“I don’t know if I can make any direct associations,” Scorsese said with a laugh when asked what similarities he sees between the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame members and the brutal criminals he has depicted in films such as “Goodfellas,” “Casino” and “The Departed.”

But the native New Yorker says their music has always struck powerful chords with him, so much that he used the group’s violence-laced song “Gimme Shelter” in three of his previous films.

“The music has been very important to me over the years. It dealt with aspects of the life that I was growing up around, that I was associated with or saw or was experiencing and trying to make sense of,” Scorsese said.

“It was tougher, it had an edge. Beautiful, honest and brutal at times. And it’s always stayed with me and become a well of inspiration to this day,” he added.

The film offers 17 songs mainly comprised of concert warhorses like “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” “Start Me Up” and “Brown Sugar,” and features guest appearances by blues legend Buddy Guy, White Stripes guitarist Jack White and singer Christina Aguilera

Actress having stress headaches, claims US mag

Katie Holmes is said to be struggling to keep up with husband Tom Cruise’s energetic lifestyle.

‘Katie doesn’t get enough sleep and hasn’t for months now,’ a source tells American Star.

‘She’s tired and drained much of the day because Tom is so wired and they stay awake until after midnight. He has boundless energy and she just can’t compete.’

It’s claimed the mum-of-one feels stressed about being in charge of renovating their £17.5 mansion and fainted in a LA restaurant recently.

‘It’s on Katie’s shoulders to pull off something beyond magnificent, something Tom can brag about,’ adds the source. ‘She’s giving herself headaches thinking about it and making herself sick.’

Katie, 29, and Tom, 45, married in 2006. They have a 2-year-old daughter, Suri, together.